That Which Has Been Your Delight

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."  ~Kahlil Gibran

Life has been busy busy busy once again, but I wanted to take a moment to share this quote. It has almost been two years since I lost Tyler in Afghanistan (Sept. 10th), and this time of year is always a lot tougher for me as that day approaches. It find myself fighting back tears more often than usual, and it's a little more of a challenge to manage my anxiety and adrenal issues. I've been panic attack free for about 5 months now (with the exception of low blood sugar causing one attack 3 months ago). However, I've been noticing subtle struggles in my body and mind the past 3 days or so. I ran out of 5HTP a few weeks back, so it's probably not helping that, during the most emotional time of the year for me,  I'm not taking the one natural supplement that has helped me in this process. I bought a new bottle the other day and am hoping that I notice my anxiety and adrenals calming down in the next few days.

Even though September brings more tears for me, I know that the reason I have tears is because I was blessed to have felt a love so deep. I am extremely thankful to have made so many amazing memories with Tyler while we were together. In moments when it seems impossible to breath, and tears flood my heart and soul, I stop to focus on all the happy memories that we shared; and remember that my tears are because I am blessed with memories in which I can now find comfort. I feel broken at times, but the delight and love that Tyler brought into my life are forever a part of me and shaping me for all that I am meant to be each day.

Stay Strong, Meg

Unattended Sorrow (excerpts)

I have slowly been reading through the book The Unattended Sorrow- Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart, by Stephen Levine. There is a lot of encouragement and advise, so I thought I would start sharing some of what I've highlighted from each chapter.

I have spent so much time searching on-line for advise, coping mechanisms, holistic alternatives to anti-anxiety drugs, advice from women that have lost a loved one, and just about anything else that I thought would help me. After spending countless hours plugging in various words in Google's search engine, I have collected some favorite websites; but still haven't found a blog where anyone is talking about her journey through grief or/and anxiety.

My goal with this blog is to provide you with the information I am able to find as I continue to search and read through articles on healing emotionally and physically from loss and anxiety; as well as share my personal journey.

Here are some of my favorites from The Unattended Sorrow- Chapter 1:


"We close around our pain by refusing it mercy, by resisting the softening and letting go that might give it a little more space to breath."

"When we turn away from our sorrow, we intensify our pain and close off parts of ourselves."

"Investigating our feelings of powerlessness increasingly empowers us..."



Much Love, Meg

No Place Like Home

There truly isn't any place like being home with family...

Last Saturday I decided to drive the two hours out to my parent's place in the country, so that I could spend the rest of the weekend away from the bustle of the city and visit with my parents and youngest sister. I have to admit that I was pretty unmotivated to sit in the car that long, and spend the money on all the gas that the trip usually takes; but after debating about the drive I decided that I would look at it as an opportunity to enjoy the summer air and some tunes. So, I hopped in the car, rolled down the windows, and let the wind carry the radio tunes out my windows like a streamer of notes behind me.

My family and I spent the evening sitting outside and enjoying each other's company. My baby sis (who is now 16) and I roasted a few marshmallows over a fire pit on the back patio and chatted into the wee hours of the night. It was so nice to connect with them and just enjoy the summer evening.

What I've learned over the past few years, as I've gone through loss and anxiety, is that the people in my family are absolutely my best friends. I have had many friends turn out to be more of a foe; and have received what has felt like a 'stab in the back', due to their unjust gossip, judgment, or hasty advice for what's best for me as I've dealt with grief. It has been a very disheartening journey, but it has also opened my eyes to how much my family is more than just my family. They are the ones that have been by my side every step of my journey through grief. They have wept with me and laughed with me through everything. They have strengthened me with simply their presence or their voice over the phone.

Sure, I still have a small handful of friends that have shown unconditional love, and I treasure them; but when I think about where I feel safe, protected, unjudged, and strengthened,...it is at home. It has been my immediate, as well as extended, family that has been my safety net through all the tears, doubts, and fears.

Experiencing anxiety, due to losing a loved one, has not been an easy process. Going through grief is a difficult experience that is different for each person. Unless someone has gone through the heartache of loss (loved one, pet, job, etc.), or the overstimulation of anxiety, then it is almost impossible for them to understand the struggles a person faces due to those experiences. Many well intentioned friends have inflicted pain on others by their words and what they thought was encouragement. Unfortunately, there is no way to know what is best for a grieving friend unless you have experienced the same pain, and even then it still may not be an appropriate answer.

When I think about my family, and fellow grieving friends,  I think of the compassion and patients they have extended towards me; because of the bond of 'family'....family by blood and family by our souls' shared experience of grief.

My hope is that my experiences going through grief and anxiety will help mold me into a more understanding and loving friend to others that are hurting from the same thing. As a Christian I believe we are all called to treat others with unconditional love. I know I have failed friends in many ways, and I hope that each day I am able to show a little more of what I need in my own life as well.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Cor. 13:4-7

I desire to be a friend that makes those around me like thay are 'home'...unjudged and fully loved.

Meg

New Ways to Think About Grief

Sometimes I feel so lost as I go through the difficult 'stages' of grief. This article made me feel a little hopeful and shed some light on the fact there maybe really aren't any 'stages' to grief at all. We are all different and we need to be gentle with our hearts as we continue to heal.

No one, well intentioned or not, should make you doubt what healing or moving on should look like for you. With this said those of us who grieve for whatever loss, also need to make sure we keep our chins up high and take care of our wounded hearts and minds.


Link- New Ways to Think About Grief


Love and Blessings, Meg

How to Be Alone

I subscribe to Dr. Mercola and his daily e-mail which is always so full of great advice for maintaining physical and mental health in the most organic and chemical free way possible. If you haven't ever been to his website I highly suggest you take a moment to check out some postings and what he is all about. There is a wealth of wonderful information on all subjects.

http://www.mercola.com/

Today there was a link titled 'How to Be Alone', and it caught my eye. I decided to check it out, so I clicked on the link and was surprised to find a charming little video of a poem by inspiring poet/singer/songwriter Tanya Davis. Find a quiet moment to watch it and I'm sure you will feel a smile on your face just as I did.

Video Link to Poem:  How To Be Alone


Much love, Meg

Courage to Explore Your Heart

Hi friends,

It's been a while since I've written or posted on here, so I wanted to at least share a little something from the book I've been reading, the Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart, by Stephen Levine.I bought the book about 4 months ago and it has been a slow process to mentally digest the words as I turn each page. Even though I've only made it through 10 of the small chapters, there are already so many things that I have underlined and feel as though he was writing specifically to me. Some of my favorites in chapters 2 and 3 are:

"So we must bear loss as deeply as we cared."

 "...grief is like driving at night: though you can see only a few feet ahead of you, you can make the whole journey that way."

"Healing is replacing our merciless reactions with a merciful response."

There are so many quotes and words of wisdom that I have found in this little jem of a book. Some of the chapters have been a little emotionally draining because there are words that have opened my wounds a little more than I was prepared to feel. I was about to stop readying because of the rising emotion I felt each time I open the cover, but then I reached this sentence; and I became determined to finish the whole book no matter how long it might take me to process emotionally....

"In order to balance our fear with our courage, we must trust our pain enough to explore it."

That sentence has become part of my pep talk that I give myself on more difficult days. I hope that it inspires and encourages you just a little too. When you find yourself in a moment that seams to heavy, remember that you are not alone and that each painful moment can make you more courageous.

Much Love, Meg

The Truth About Depression and Anxiety Meds- Dr. Mercola Video

Check out this video when you have a few minutes. Know what you are putting in your body, and that there are safe alternatives to help with depression and anxiety!

Depression is NOT a Chemical Imbalance in Your Brain- Dr. Mercola Link:http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/04/06/frightening-story-behind-the-drug-companies-creation-of-medical-lobotomies.aspx

Meg

A Seed's Sorrow

Resting in a little paper packet there is a small seed that has a great potential to grow into something beautiful.

The packet’s job is to protect the seed until the appropriate season arrives and the farmer has readied the field for planting. The seed has spent quite some time with his fellow friends and one day the little seed is poured into the hands of the one who knows just where to place it. This is a terrifying change for the little seed because it is now removed from the comfort it has always known. The farmer places the seed onto the ground and to its horror it is pushed deep into the dirt. Suddenly the seed is drowning in water and unable to breath in the dark earth. Life as far as the seed has known it is over. Days come and go and each one that passes sends the seed deeper into the earth. Despair takes root in the little seed as it starts to feel its outer shell cracking. It wonders how there is any life left inside its little seed heart. Then suddenly one day the seed feels a change taking place inside. As each day passes there are new changes and it feels a stirring inside. The seed begins to grow strong in the ground until one day there is a beam of light that reaches into the ground. As more days go by the seed continues to grow stronger and taller, until one day it has the strength to shoot out of the darkness in the ground and it raises its face to the radiant sun. Life as this little seed knew it was most definitely changed forever. If it weren’t for the farmer, who knew exactly when to plant the seed and how to prepare the field, then the little seed would never have blossomed into all it was intended to be from the very beginning. The seed’s darkest hour in the earth had readied it for the deepest joy it had ever felt.

I was inspired to write this after hearing a more simplified version from a speaker a few weeks ago. The analogy really stuck with me as I began to think about how much I sympathize with this little seed! When I began to go further into the analogy I started to realize that my fears, emotional pain, despair, and tears; from the loss and anxiety, are just like those of the seed. What I have to stop and ask myself daily is if I trust God enough with where he has “planted” me, and how long he allows me to be buried in the darkness. Am I willing to let him tend to me until the right season arrives for me to bloom into my fill potential? Will I fret in despair as I sit in the ground, or will I rest in peace with the knowledge that he has a perfect plan for me to bloom more beautifully than I could ever imagine?

There are days that are harder than others to have a trusting heart that’s full of peace, but I have felt the beams of sunshine reach deep into the ground to encourage my growth…and I know it will one day fully shine upon my face with radiant warmth