That Which Has Been Your Delight

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."  ~Kahlil Gibran

Life has been busy busy busy once again, but I wanted to take a moment to share this quote. It has almost been two years since I lost Tyler in Afghanistan (Sept. 10th), and this time of year is always a lot tougher for me as that day approaches. It find myself fighting back tears more often than usual, and it's a little more of a challenge to manage my anxiety and adrenal issues. I've been panic attack free for about 5 months now (with the exception of low blood sugar causing one attack 3 months ago). However, I've been noticing subtle struggles in my body and mind the past 3 days or so. I ran out of 5HTP a few weeks back, so it's probably not helping that, during the most emotional time of the year for me,  I'm not taking the one natural supplement that has helped me in this process. I bought a new bottle the other day and am hoping that I notice my anxiety and adrenals calming down in the next few days.

Even though September brings more tears for me, I know that the reason I have tears is because I was blessed to have felt a love so deep. I am extremely thankful to have made so many amazing memories with Tyler while we were together. In moments when it seems impossible to breath, and tears flood my heart and soul, I stop to focus on all the happy memories that we shared; and remember that my tears are because I am blessed with memories in which I can now find comfort. I feel broken at times, but the delight and love that Tyler brought into my life are forever a part of me and shaping me for all that I am meant to be each day.

Stay Strong, Meg

Shaken or Stirred (Juice Recipe)

Now that I've decided to start training for a fitness competition next year, I am being extra careful to make sure that my nutrition is well rounded with lots of organic/wild protein and raw veggies. I've been really mindful of what I eat for the past year and don't eat many breads or sweets, so the only big difference this far is trying to get enough protein in my diet. I tend to gravitate more toward vegetarian dishes, but I have really enjoyed eating more wild salmon, tilapia, and bison meat.

Even though I haven't had to cut a lot of sweets and carbs out of my diet, because I don't eat them in the first place, I do have to be mindful of what I'm drinking on the occasional weekend when I'm hanging out with friends. Even though a glass or two of wine or a Guinness may not be a huge problem now, it will be a problem as I start to get closer to my competition date.

So, instead of sipping on an empty calorie, high sugar/high carb alcoholic drink, I will be enjoying a freshly juiced virgin cocktail at home.

Try my most recent virgin green martini...serve shaken or chilled and stirred :o).

Recipe:

1/2 Cucumber
1 or 1/2 an apple
1 celery stalk
Half of lemon
Small handful of parsley

Place lemon and parsley in between cut pieces of apple, or cucumber, to ensure the lemon and parsley are pushed all the way through your juicer. Place the juice in a container that allows you to fill with juice to the top (this eliminates any air inside the container/jar from oxygenating the juice and causing it to lose nutrients) and chill for 30 minutes before drinking.


Train Hard and Stay Positive,
Meg

Big Shadows

I think this proverb just about says it all. Lately I have been hiding from rather large shadows, much like the ones I thought belonged to big hairy monsters under my bed when I was a little girl. I don't know about you but I certainly know that the looming shadows of worry can grip a person so tight that you can hardly breath.

The past few months I have been on a desperate search for a job; specifically one that will be flexible enough for me to attend holistic nutrition classes, study to be a personal trainer, teach a children's dance/workout class, and move forward towards my dream of helping women and children though grief and anxiety. Did I mention also be able to pay all my bills and have a life somehwere in the middle of all of that as well? It has been a very unsuccessful search thus far, but it has been my experience in the past that if I am patient and follow my heart ('gut') the perfect opportunity will come along, even if it's at the last moment.

It's so easy to spend endless hours a day worrying about what the future holds, but if I'm not careful I will worry myself into believing that the shadows being cast are going to eat me alive. Haha. At the end of the day the fact is that my energy spent worrying will not have changed a single thing, except for stealing precious time from me that I could be spending enjoying life.

Worry eventually leads to anxiety, panic, and generally an overall 'freak out' session...at least in my own past experiences, haha. In the end- life turns out exactly as it was always meant to be and it's up to me to decide how I will wait it out and react to the end result. Maybe those big scary shadows will shrink just a little and turn into something quite surprisingly friendly :o).

Keep Calm and Carry On,

Meg

Matthew 6:31-35

The Message (MSG)

 ^30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

 

 ³⁴"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

The Thrills of the 'Ups and Downs'

The elated screams of roller coaster patrons filled the air and I immediately felt my heart beat faster. Instantly I wonder if I will have to battle my hands becoming shaky and if dizziness would set in. For a year I have felt trapped in my skin and unable to participate in the usual adrenaline pumping activities that I used to enjoy so much. I am an adventure bug at heart and love to challenge myself to do thrilling and daring things. One of my biggest fears, after discovering that I was dealing with chronic anxiety and adrenal issues, has been that I would never again be able to do all the fun things I love.

I started off the day with concerns about what my body would be able to handle, but I was also determined to keep my thoughts positive and pick my rides carefully (haha). And that's exactly what I did. My first ride was with my newly married younger sister and we had an absolute blast screaming at the top of our lungs. At the end of the ride we had to pry our fingers apart from clenching each other's hands so tightly. Haha. When we got off I quickly mentally scanned my body and realized that my hands were only slightly trembling. If I wasn't taking the holistic supplements that I've been taking the past 3 months I can guarantee that I would have been massively trembling from head to toe and fighting to remain consious. It felt so wonderful to feel free of the trappings of anxiety.

I rode 5 rides during the day and even though that's not as many as my family, I was still so pleased that I was able to strap myself inside even one. It was a great day of new ups and downs and I am super excited to be making progress with my anxiety and adrenal problems in a natural way.

Stay Encouraged,
Meg