"Marmie" Comes to Germany

Happy Monday friends!
 I hope you had a lovely and relaxing weekend and are ready to face your new week (either in the office, at home, or wherever you might find yourself) with positive thoughts and determination to be thankful for even the smallest of things when the biggest of things try to get you down. If you can't tell this has been my challenge/mantra to myself the past few weeks, haha. 

Between dealing with my health issues seeming to get worse and my new husband gearing up for a deployment later in the year, I have been battling fearful thoughts left and right.

Due to Kiwi needing to leave for a "handful" of time, we all decided very recently (along with my current 3rd Dr., three times might actually be the charm!) that I needed to have someone with me and not be alone while I am having these low blood pressure/blacking out, etc.symptoms.

Sooo, I am currently finding myself sitting next to my mother who traveled all the way to Germany with only about 48 hours of notice! She packed her bags and hopped on her first plane to Europe like a trooper!

Could I look anymore happy and grateful to have her on the ground by my side?!

 
"Marmie" flew in this past Friday and the next morning we were buying goodies at my local farmer's market for a yummy dinner on my balcony. I must admit that I have been relying on my husband to do most the chatting with the locals; but thank goodness I had been stepping out of my comfort zone more the past few weeks and learning a little more German while he and I were out and about. By the time mom and I were walking away with our bags full of yummy treats my brain was in full on German mode (to the best of my ability and current vocabulary, ha).

 
Here were our goodies:
weiss spargel (white asparagus), cantaloupe, carrots with tops, beet roots with tops, olives, goat cheese, dolmas, stuffed peppers, and tzatziki sauce. I mentioned my veggies that had their tops because that required a very humorous and "charade like" discussion to keep those tops for my juicing purposes! LOL

After dropping off our purchases at the apartment we met up with my friend and neighbor to take a stroll around town...
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This is a beautiful church that is near the markplatz (where the farmer's market is held). You can hear the bells chime daily and they are especially cheerfully dancing on Sundays.

This is a statue of what seems to be a good Samaritan handing money to a poor local. 

After a little stroll  though part of the town we took a relaxing walk through a beautiful park where there are water fountains, ponds, and landscape that made you feel like you had stepped into one of Monet's paintings...pretty close to it anyways ;).

In the middle of the park there is a quaint little "beergarten" where I must admit I had to buy mom a small Ratler so she could experience the German specialty of a lemonade beer!
 

After all of this excitement and walking around I was pretty worn out (my energy level is low due to whatever is going on with me) and mom was just as ready to head back to the apartment to taste our smorgasbord of food from our market trip.

When all was said and done we had quite a fun filled day as "Marmie's" first day in Germany. And who would have guessed that she would be over here being my buddy in almost just a snap of the fingers...

I share all of this because I believe that God watches out for his "children" just like our real parents do. He is ready and willing to be there in just a blink of an eye, especially when we are willing to ask for His help.

Even though my current health issues are a mystery to the doctors (for the time being) and I have heightened fear because of Kiwi's impending deployment, I will not be ruled by these fears- no matter how many times they try to sneak up and overwhelm me.

I believe that we have power and victory over fear and anything that tries to steal away our joy, peace, and happiness. God has given us the ability to move above and beyond our circumstances. It's up to us though if we are going to sit and camp in our fears or stand up and tell them to take a hike!

I don't have all the answers and I deal with my fears every day, but I am also learning more each day about how to "give 'em the boot" and live my day with peace instead. God want's us to live a full and long life filled with all the happiness and peace we can possibly contain.Sometimes he's just waiting for us to give him a "call" and say: "I need you. Can you come stay a while".

 I guarantee that no mater where you are in the world He will be there in a jiffy :).

-Meg (and "Marmie")

Remembering Tyler's Deployment Day (3 Years Ago)

3 years ago today I said goodbye to an amazing man that I loved dearly. He was on his way to war but even that couldn't wipe the smile off his face. I remember we sat in the little building on post, with our friends Eric Edstrom and Lindsay Marchbanks, as Tyler played around on his guitar and strummed favorite songs by Johnny Cash

He was ready to walk into the future and tackle whatever came his way. After about and hour of waiting on post they announced that we had a few last few seconds to say goodbye. Tyler packed up his guitar and as we said our final goodbye in the rain I clung to the last grasp of his fingers and then he slung his weapon over his shoulder and joined formation. He was was right in front of me but he was gone.

I stood there, as though the rain froze me in place, and watch him as he became part of a sea of ACUs and weapons. For a few seconds I lost him in the group of men but then finally there he was- with a smile still grinning from ear to ear. I will never understand what makes a man excited to go off to war, but what I do know is that it takes character to face an unknown future with a smile on your face.

I didn't know that morning what was in my future, or that that moment was my last goodbye in person to Tyler. I didn't know that barely 4 months later I would have to say the hardest goodbye I've ever had to utter to someone who was already gone.

We never know what is in our future, and I've spent the past 3 years trying to learn how to live more in the moment, as Tyler did. He was sure and steadfast in his faith in God. When I think back on conversations that we had I can't help but wonder how much of what he said to me was him, or God talking through him. His words before deployment and letters throughout deployment were full of strength, hope, and peace.He was always reminding me to place my trust in God and "enjoy the journey of life".

I have struggled many days since we lost Tyler in Afghanistan, but I have also seen the Lord pour blessings over my life. I remember the very first words I managed to say to my family the day after we lost Tyler and I flew home to Virginia. As they all huddled around and cried with me all I could say was that there was nobody else out there for me. There was nobody that could love me the same and understand me the same. My heart was shattered and I couldn't see how there ever would be hope for a future with love...

Tyler told me something very important a few days before he left. He looked me square in my eyes, only inches away, put both hands on my shoulders, and said: " Meg, if something happens and I don't come back I want you to find a man that loves you as much as I do. You need someone that will support you and push you to do all that you are able to do. Find someone that will encourage you to do something with your writings and help you pursue your dreams...". I was so emotional during this conversation that my mind wandered elsewhere while he was talking and I can now only remember bits and pieces of the rest of what he said. What is important though is that he set free with that conversation. He prepared my heart for what was ahead and he planted a seed in my heart that would one day be able to bloom into a love for someone else.

That someone else is now my husband of almost 4 months. 'Kiwi' is everything I was so determined wasn't out there for me, and everything I know Tyler would (and did) wish for me to have in this life on earth. My husband is my rock and my forever. Now that I can look back, I believe God placed Tyler in my life to help prepare me for who he had planned for me to live life with all along. I can't claim to know all the reasons things happened the way they did, but I do know that Tyler was in my life for very specific reasons. He made me stronger, challenged me to dig deeper into my faith, made me laugh, made me cry, taught me to trust a man again, made me feel beautiful, with God's help he restored my self worth, and he helped me understand God's heart just a little more each day. He made me come alive and feel again after going through so many bad relationships and shutting myself down. He made me strong again. He helped me be what my name means- 'strong at heart'. In the year that we were together he prepared me for my future without even knowing it.

I now have an incredible man that I am blessed to call my husband and I have a future I can walk into with him. He is loving, patient, supportive of my writing, encourages me to follow my dreams, and is always there for me. He loves me despite my "uglies" and is more than I ever dreamed I would have in my life. Kiwi is truly the answer to many wordless prayers that were simply cries from my soul.

I still have sad days and moments when I miss Tyler, but I remind myself that this is not the end and I will see him again one day. Here and now though I will continue to live my life just as he asked me to do that day; and I am beyond blessed to walk this earth hand in hand with my adoring husband.

Living with purpose, faith, and love,

Meg