Journey Through the Desert

Today you get a little treat...and that would be the fact that I have absolutely no idea what the following sentence is going to be!

Thinking...

Have you ever been to the desert? The only time I was anywhere near a desert type of enviroment was when I hiked the Grand Canyon with Tyler (see About Me page). We drove through the night from Colorado Springs to get to the Grand Canyon at sunrise. Well actually, we didnt plan it that way, but by the time he got off work from Ft. Carson and we were finally all packed up (He probably would have interjected right here in a loving tone and say: After YOU were finally packed up...and then laugh in his southern tone.) it was 9PM and we decided we might as well drive straight through until morning and not have to deal with traffic on the 6 hour drive (I think it was about that long.). Tyler was a trooper and navigated his way through the night, and the various States, as I slipped in and out of sleep and tried my best to think up entertaining conversation while he ended up doing all the driving (My husband is probably going to laugh when he reads this and say: Yep, that sounds about right!). What I remember the most about that drive with Tyler are the endless hours of him quizzing me on song and band names as he blasted every oldies radio station he could find. When one faded out into static there was always another one to scan to on the radio! Needless to say I became quite an expert after repeatedly mistaking one of his favorite bands, Old Crow Medicine Show, for one band or another. A little side note- they are one of my favorite bands now :).

After a long and very entertaining road trip, we finally made it to the Grand Canyon with two hours to spare to sleep in the car before the sun rose over the rim. It was a little foggy but it was still worth the push through the night. We grabbed a quick breakfast and then strapped on our packs to begin our descent into the bottom of that majestic great big hole, ha.

I'm not sure exactly why I shared part of this story with you. Before I sat down to write I was thinking about how sometimes it feels like I am emotionally and spiritually traveling through a hot dry desert and God seems to be a million miles away...

My husband 'Kiwi' and I have some big pressing desicions to make about his career and our life as a couple in general. What is his next career move, what do we want our future to look like, what is God's best for us, is there a ministry overseas where God can use our passions and knowledge, do we have enough faith to leave Kiwi's secure job and rely on God to provide whatever we need? I have prayed until I can hear my prayers echoing over eachother in some vast canyon in my heart. There has been no response, answer or leading yet. I have traveled through deserts like this in my life before, and God has always been faithful to provide the perfect answer or oportunity, but often it is in the 11th hour and when I have just about given up hope for a answer. It is because of the deserts I have already weathered in my past that I know God will eventually answer me, it just won't be on my time. Right now I feel a little parched and tired. In my spirit I am weary and questioning if I really know true North, but there is a very quiet warm wind inside my soul that is whispering: be still and listen. I have learned that sometimes God allows us to spiritually and emotionally travel through dry valleys and deserts so that we have less distractions and can hear His voice with more certainity when He does speak. When you are in the desert there isn't much noise is there?

When I was hiking into the Grand Canyon I was in awe of how vast and beautiful the landscape was. I was even more amazed that something so dry, and seemingly lacking life, could be so visually captivating. About half way down I could finally see the well known Colorado River flowing through the valley in the canyon. As I stood there surrounded by red clay (I couldn't even see the origional color of my hiking boots because they were so red!) I was mesmorized by the oasis of a green blob that we were hiking toward for our camping destination. It's amazing what water can bring to a desert-mhmm. Water=life.

Here is what I'm thinking and being reminded of as I write this- God is life. His word (the Bible) is our daily water and without it we will quite surely be spiritually dehydrated (become extremely unhappy, bitter, etc.) as we make our best attempt to journey across the dry patches in life on our own...without 'water'. Our deserts can be: difficult jobs, lack of a job, family issues, loss of a loved one, hopelessness, depression, anxiety, fear, unforgiveness, and the list goes on. These are all things that can, and will cause our hearts to become dry, brittle and broken.

Just because I am not hearing an answer from God right now (there are many ways to 'hear' Him) doesn't mean He isn't with me, or more importantly that He doesn't care. I think sometimes God wants us to take a 'walkabout' and learn exactly how and why we need to rely on Him for our fresh supply of 'water' to keep our souls and and hearts strong for the journey. He wants us to cry out to Him and ask for His help. He WANTS to hear our voices echo into the canyon for help. He longs to helps us and lead us, and He loves it even more when we have the faith of a blind man in the desert and rely on him to lead us into a green oasis for rest.

How we travel through a desert has everything to do with who we put our trust in. I can either choose to trust myself and hope my internal compass leads me in a direction that provides a oasis of oportunity, or, I can make the desicion to trust God with my weary body and soul and know that the time I dedicate to filling my canteen with His 'water' (studying the Bible) will give me just enough strength for each day; and eventually in His perfect time He will lead me (my husband and me) straight to the perfect job, oportunity, etc.

So my challenge to myself, and to you my dear reader, is this- Are you spending time in the Bible daily and getting your supply of' water' to sustain you? Don't get caught with a empty canteen in a desert on your journey through life! He is by your side and will answer you in His perfect timing. He will bring you out of the desert just as he provided water for the Isrealites and brought them out of their desert (Exodus 17). He is Faithful and Loving!

"Jesus said, “Everyone who drinks this water will get thirsty again and again. Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst—not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life.” The woman said, “Sir, give me this water so I won’t ever get thirsty, won’t ever have to come back to this well again!” -John 4:13-14 (The MSG)

^"And He said to me, “It is done!I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts." - Revelation 21:6

"And he showed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding from the throne of God and of the Lamb."- Revelation 22:1


Love and Happy Trails, Meg




 

Diving into Fearlessness

Hi sweet friends!

I simply can not believe it has been so long since we caught up! I wanted to let you know I am still around and I am excited to share with you everything I have been learning about health, wholeness, positive thinking, faith, and love these past months. The last time I wrote was when my mom came to spend the month of June with me in Germany. She came to stay while my husband was away for work and I was going through some difficult health issues of constantly feeling like I was passing out. It was so great to have her company and thankfully I had a few random days and weeks that I felt well enough, as the month went by, to do some traveling with her.

If you have been a reader for a while you know my story and that I went through a time of unrelenting panic attacks and grief; and that I started this blog in hopes to help others heal emotionally and physically; and to be encouraged. You might also remember that I was incredibly fearful of my husbands upcoming deployment, due to already losing Tyler in Afghanistan (see About Me page).

In the months that I have been absent from my little blog 'garden' I have learned so much and grown into a much stronger person than I dare say I've ever been before. I have been determined to face my fears with authority and learn the art of positive thinking and speaking.

I am now in the midst of my husband's and my first deployment together; and though it is hard to be away from him, I know that I am more than able to get though these months and not just by barely surviving them. It is a trilling feeling to be able to look at yourself and know you have conquered a variety of fears and worries.

To be completely honest, it wasn't until a few days after my husband 'Kiwi' had deployed that I realized how much stronger I had become. I was a little concerned that I was emotionally detached and not processing things in a healthy way. I completely expected to feel as though I was unraveling at both ends, but I was quite calm and collected in the days and weeks after we said "see you later" (I refused to say "goodbye") and he boarded the bus. I flew home to the States the next day to be with my family for a while and I kept thinking I would finally break down when I got there, because surely there would be a point when this odd peace would dissipate...right?!

When I was finally with my family and I had a couple days to settle in I began to try and process what the peace was I was feeling; and more importantly if it was either visiting me for a short season or a permanent resident in my heart and mind. I had asked a group of close friends to committ to keeping Kiwi, and me, in their prayers during the deployment. Mostly I just wanted to know that other people were praying for his safety while he was deployed. I had also asked that they would keep me in their prayers as well and pray specifically that I would feel strength and peace during the deployment. I know without a doubt that the prayers of these women are circled around me and my husband each and every day as we push through this deployment; and they play a huge role in my new found strength.

However, I felt there was something else that had helped to set my mind free from all the worry that had plagued me the past few years. Not only did I not feel as much fear about the deployment as I expected, but I also didn't feel as bound by fear about my physical issues of randomly almost passing out, panic attacks, etc. I had been reading so many books on positive thinking and the art of taming my fearful thoughts and worry (Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer); as well as pouring over bible verses promising God's rest and peace. Had I finally mastered it? As I started to think back through the months before the deployment I realized there was something that had helped me let go of the worry I had been holding onto, and it might sound quite odd at first...

When my hubby and I went to Thailand on our pre deployment vacation we decided to sign up for scuba diving lessons...well Kiwi signed up and then somehow convinced me it would be an adventure of a lifetime and that I should consider doing it with him! Originally the scuba diving certification course was supposed to be his birthday gift because it was going to take him away from me for 3 days on our vacation. Kiwi kept encouraging me that I should talk to the dive instructor and consider trying at least the first day. All I could think about was the fact that I had 5 major fears (1. fear of sharks 2. claustrophobia with all the gear on and feeling trapped under water 3. fear of drowning due to a close call on a rafting trip 4. having a panick attack under water 5. blood pressure issues...which the doctors were starting to think were causing my passing out episodes.) that were telling me this was a very bad idea and there was no way I could do it.

The short version of the story is that I somehow worked up enough courage to give it a try, mostly thanks to my persistant husband and a awesome dive instructor that offered to give me a free little lesson in the pool to build up my courage before I committed to signing up for the class which started the next day. After working on calm and collected breathing underwater with the instructor, and keeping a small panic attack at bay, I was swimming around on my own on the bottom of the pool 30 minutes later! I was still super nervous the next day when we had to actually start the course and perform various tasks underwater; and even more anxious the second day when we went diving for the first time in the open water with the fish. All I could think about when we were headed out to the diving site were the 5 major fears I listed above. However, I pushed through each fear one at a time and by the time I came up to the surface I was a new woman. I just didn't know how vastly that one activity had now changed my life...until I found myself in those first few days of the deployment!



What I have realized is that because I pushed through all those fears, during a single activity I might add, I was able to prove to myself very quickly just how much strength I have in me. I left my worries at the bottom of the ocean with the little fish, and they will never surface so easily again. It's so powerful when your mind is able to prove to you what your spirit has always known!



The reason I am sharing all of this is because I have now realized that I conquered a whole other fear, my biggest fear, when I conquered those other 5. I realized in those first few days of the deployment that I wasn't falling apart, and the reason was because I had- hope. I have hope that I will make it through this deployment emotionally and that my husband will indeed come home alive to me. I feel strong and enabled by my faith to face these months with the strength God is pouring into my heart and soul each day. I am not frail and fearful as I was before; because I have proven to myself that I absolutely can make the choice to override ANY fear.

(This isn't the most flattering picture but hey, what can a girl do on a rainy and windy diving day ;).

 



We all have to power to make that choice each day. We can either live in the fearfulness that binds our hearts and chokes our minds, or we can decide to push through and maybe do something crazy...we can have hope and faith that we are strong enough to get through with God's help and live in victory as we were always destined to do :).

Of course I'm not saying you have to go on a diving excursion in order to be freed from your fears, but what I am saying is that I have learned how important it is to push yourself out of your comfort zone in order to override a fear. Sometimes proving to yourself that your courage is bigger than your fear will remind you that God is bigger than YOU, and able to do far more in your life than you could ever imagine!


"God can do anything , you know- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us," - Ephesians 3:20 (The Message)


Be Encouraged, Meg



"Marmie" Comes to Germany

Happy Monday friends!
 I hope you had a lovely and relaxing weekend and are ready to face your new week (either in the office, at home, or wherever you might find yourself) with positive thoughts and determination to be thankful for even the smallest of things when the biggest of things try to get you down. If you can't tell this has been my challenge/mantra to myself the past few weeks, haha. 

Between dealing with my health issues seeming to get worse and my new husband gearing up for a deployment later in the year, I have been battling fearful thoughts left and right.

Due to Kiwi needing to leave for a "handful" of time, we all decided very recently (along with my current 3rd Dr., three times might actually be the charm!) that I needed to have someone with me and not be alone while I am having these low blood pressure/blacking out, etc.symptoms.

Sooo, I am currently finding myself sitting next to my mother who traveled all the way to Germany with only about 48 hours of notice! She packed her bags and hopped on her first plane to Europe like a trooper!

Could I look anymore happy and grateful to have her on the ground by my side?!

 
"Marmie" flew in this past Friday and the next morning we were buying goodies at my local farmer's market for a yummy dinner on my balcony. I must admit that I have been relying on my husband to do most the chatting with the locals; but thank goodness I had been stepping out of my comfort zone more the past few weeks and learning a little more German while he and I were out and about. By the time mom and I were walking away with our bags full of yummy treats my brain was in full on German mode (to the best of my ability and current vocabulary, ha).

 
Here were our goodies:
weiss spargel (white asparagus), cantaloupe, carrots with tops, beet roots with tops, olives, goat cheese, dolmas, stuffed peppers, and tzatziki sauce. I mentioned my veggies that had their tops because that required a very humorous and "charade like" discussion to keep those tops for my juicing purposes! LOL

After dropping off our purchases at the apartment we met up with my friend and neighbor to take a stroll around town...
 `
This is a beautiful church that is near the markplatz (where the farmer's market is held). You can hear the bells chime daily and they are especially cheerfully dancing on Sundays.

This is a statue of what seems to be a good Samaritan handing money to a poor local. 

After a little stroll  though part of the town we took a relaxing walk through a beautiful park where there are water fountains, ponds, and landscape that made you feel like you had stepped into one of Monet's paintings...pretty close to it anyways ;).

In the middle of the park there is a quaint little "beergarten" where I must admit I had to buy mom a small Ratler so she could experience the German specialty of a lemonade beer!
 

After all of this excitement and walking around I was pretty worn out (my energy level is low due to whatever is going on with me) and mom was just as ready to head back to the apartment to taste our smorgasbord of food from our market trip.

When all was said and done we had quite a fun filled day as "Marmie's" first day in Germany. And who would have guessed that she would be over here being my buddy in almost just a snap of the fingers...

I share all of this because I believe that God watches out for his "children" just like our real parents do. He is ready and willing to be there in just a blink of an eye, especially when we are willing to ask for His help.

Even though my current health issues are a mystery to the doctors (for the time being) and I have heightened fear because of Kiwi's impending deployment, I will not be ruled by these fears- no matter how many times they try to sneak up and overwhelm me.

I believe that we have power and victory over fear and anything that tries to steal away our joy, peace, and happiness. God has given us the ability to move above and beyond our circumstances. It's up to us though if we are going to sit and camp in our fears or stand up and tell them to take a hike!

I don't have all the answers and I deal with my fears every day, but I am also learning more each day about how to "give 'em the boot" and live my day with peace instead. God want's us to live a full and long life filled with all the happiness and peace we can possibly contain.Sometimes he's just waiting for us to give him a "call" and say: "I need you. Can you come stay a while".

 I guarantee that no mater where you are in the world He will be there in a jiffy :).

-Meg (and "Marmie")

Pretty Paint Colors

(*see photo description below post)

I met the painter yesterday and turned in the final choices for our pretty wall colors! It was quite an interestng conversation due to the language barrier, but thanks to my friend Melissa (Daniel and I met her and her husband shortly after we arrived in Germany; and her husband is currently deployed) we were able to explain which colors go where and that all other walls and ceilings would be "weiss" (white). The painter is a very chipper man and although we could barely understand one another he always had a smile on his face and was making some funny joke in German. After about an hour of playing our own version of German Charades we handed him the apartment key, the colorful wheel of paint colors I had borrowed, and walked out the door and down the hall to...Melissa's apartment! Yep, that's right. We are going to be neighbors...literally only a few doors down the hallway and our balconies are so close that we joke we will be able to pass butter and sugar across. We've also thought about making a tin can telephone :o). It will be nice to have each other so close when the guys are away being little warriors in far off lands.

Stay tuned...I can't wait to show you pics of when the apartment in painted and we finally get to move in and make a homey spot here in Germany!

Love, Meg

(*This was the only photo I took on my phone before I turned the color wheel in, so it will have to do until you see the colors on the walls! The teal on the bottom of the strip, closest to you, is going on some walls in the kitchen, adjoining living room, and open loft. The gray with be in the hallway, peach/orange on a wall in the bedroom, and unfortunately you can't see the lovely vintage green that will be in the office.)

Nesting Fever

Praise be...after many frustrating set backs, which have added up to two months worth of living in the military hotel, we finally signed for our cute little apartment this morning! Two weeks and counting until move in day. Oh how I can't wait to be surround by the moving day chaos and be buried in brown boxes as they pile to the ceiling! This little birdie is ready to start doing some serious nesting and wedding present opening!

I am most excited about my adorable little kitchen in the apartment and being able to make yummy healthy meals and desserts again. I think I have made just about every healthy'ish' meal that one can make on the two hot pads in our hotel kitchenette. I am sooo looking forward to operating an oven once again and having more than 12 inches of counter space to chop and slice on. It will also be nice to have more than one cabinet again for all my scrumptious Yogi teas and various cooking spices that I've accumulated in the past two months. I have had my share of organizing challenges with the two mini cabinets in the kitchenette. It is no coincidence that IKEA is within walking distance from our new apartment! I will soon be raiding the shelves for handy little organizing gadgets and kitchen ware. Oooh boy, I just can't wait to dig into all those boxes and let the newspaper and bubble wrap fly! What a day it will be!

Stay Tuned, Meg

 

And the Award Goes to...40 Healthy Foods!

It's Fabulous Friday!!

I just read through the March magazine from Natural Health (the magazines available on post can be a little behind, ha) and I wanted to share this article that they put together on 40 yummy and healthy foods. Some of these I have tried before and didn't care for, like Sea Snacks, but then others have become my favorites. I'm a big fan of Udi's gluten free bread, as well as Justin's almond butter and Applegate chicken breast tenders. I probably won't find these other ones, that I haven't tried before, in my local commissary or German grocery store, but I will definitely be looking for what I can order from good 'ol amazon. I hear that amazon has one of the quickest websites that ships to where we are stationed. Apparently most of the other on-line orders can take up to a month to receive. Yikes! I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that this is true for amazon so I can order some yummy organic treats and have them on my plate soon :o).

Happy Snacking!

The 2nd Annual Good Food Awards by Kate Wertheimer