Exciting Changes and a Hopeful Heart

Well hello there faithful readers!

This little bird has been so busy lately!There has been so much going on that my poor little blog has really been left in the corner of my mind all by it's little self! Well, dare I say it... 'I promise' to not leave you my dear readers in the dark anymore :). There are a lot of changes about to take place, one of which is that I will be moving myself from this little corner of the internet to a new spiffy website sometime in the next few months. I am currently trying to either 1. obtain a copy of Website Designing for Dummies, or 2. find a wonderfully creative person to help me make my little site the perfect home for all the great recipes, health info, and personal stories I have to share with you! Either way it will happen-haha.

I want to give you a little update on my health and what has been happening since I last wrote. The most recent blood work done by an endocrinologist, which is who I've wanted to see for a looong time (the military medical system has it's protocol though), has come back and I am meeting with her tomorrow to discuss what exactly the results could mean. There is definitely some significant evidence that my adrenals and pituitary gland are struggling to maintain homeostasis; which is the most probable reason I have been struggling with near syncope episodes, low blood pressure, fight-or-flight malfunctioning responses, etc. the past 2 and half years. We will find out more details tomorrow and hopefully know how to go about healing my adrenals even further than what I have been doing on my own (I will write a post soon about what my daily regimen for this has been.).

Some studies show that it is possible that nearly 80% of people suffer from Adrenal Fatigue; which can result from chronic ongoing stress in a person's life, a medical crisis, or even the intense stress your body suffers when you experience the loss of a loved one. In my case I truly believe that the loss of Tyler in Afghanistan in '09, and all the additional emotional stressors associated with that experience, was what threw my adrenals into this whirlwind of a ride. I suffered from panic attacks for a while as I journeyed through the initial grief, but eventually I was able to heal from that by using 5-HTP (and lots of prayer!); which I learned from the book The Mood Cure. Before Tyer died I had never had much reason to see a doctor and could count on one hand the times I was in a doctor office. Now I have lost count of how many trips I have made and tubes of blood I have given, in the desperate hope I would find a answer and feel normal again.  

I have been on this journey to find those answers and heal from my near syncope/"scary episodes"  for the past 2 and half years. It's been exhausting and oftentimes quite discouraging, but I refuse to lose hope- no matter how much I may feel it is slipping from me. In one of Tyler's facebook posts, and an e-mail that he sent while he was deployed, he said: "Tough days make the good days that much better". That is what I cling to...the faith that the trials I face now are only going to make my future days even better :). 

Stay tuned for more posts, updates on when I am moving to my official website, and even my You Tube channel that is in the works! I'm looking forward to making some videos and hosting giveaways from affiliates on there! 

  

My hubby surprised me with these wildflowers when I recently returned home from a trip to the States for my beloved grandad's funeral. Flowers have a way of lifting the spirit and making you smile even when you don't feel like it. Don't underestimate the power of buying some for yourself too ;). 

With hope, Meg

Transparency, Vunlerability, and Positive Thought

Whew...in the past few months my new hubby and I have moved from the States to Germany, and then traveled from Germany to Paris France, France back to Stuttgart Germany, Stuttgart to Munich; and now we are home for a week before we go back out the door.

I must admit we have learned valuable lessons in our marriage as we have traveled and driven in these wonderful and strange lands. One thing is for sure, I am probably not the best navigator/co-pilot in the world and we will definitely make sure we have a handy dandy GPS in the car when we embark on our next thrilling adventure :o). 

There has been lots of fun since we moved to Germany, but there have also been many difficult and trying moments. Europe is grand and we feel so blessed to have to opportunity to travel and see many wonderful things in the world. However, the price we have to pay to be here seems to be growing larger and gloomier each day. The tour that Daniel is serving in Germany will soon start requiring him to travel quite often throughout Europe for training; and then eventually the day will come when we will have to goodbye as he heads off to Afghanistan towards the end of the year. As most of you know this is something that will be super difficult not only because all deployments are, but also because I lost Tyler in Afghanistan 2 and a half years ago.

I still battle anxiety, as well as iron and adrenal issues,  so it has been a huge struggle to focus on positive thoughts now that we are starting to see a broader list of Daniel's itinerary for the next two years. Even though we are a ways from November I am finding that my emotions are ping-ponging all over the place and I seem to need a box of tissues every couple of days. 

I don't share this because I want to be a 'Debbie Downer', but I simply want to be transparent with friends and readers so that you can see into my heart and daily struggles a little easier.  

I started this blog as a result of my battle with anxiety after Tyler was killed in action; and even though sharing these struggles is an extremely vulnerable place to be, I want to make sure I am being honest about what I am still going through. When I first started searching the internet for answers and help to me deal with my panic attacks and grief I didn't find much at all that I could relate to or take helpful information from. I was constantly looking for people who might be dealing with the same emotions, grief, and physical reactions to their loss. I searched for hours to try and find healthy and holistic alternatives to anti-depression or anxiety drugs. Eventually I found a book that started to answer my questions a little and it at least got me started on some sort of path to healing. If you have been following my blog a little you know that I share a lot of the information I found in The Mood Cure in my earlier posts.

I still need answers for my physical healing, and I know that my emotional healing will always be a challenging journey. When you lose someone you love the experience you have gone through is forever a part of your being; and though you can find strength and healing as time goes by you will always feel the scar. 

I know that I never could have made it through my grief without my faith in God and the belief that He would mend my brokenness. I don't have the answers that I've wanted since September 10, 2009, but I know that I am not alone on this journey. I know that my God is there, whether I feel him or not, and he will carry me through if I am too weak to walk. There have been many times I can't hear his voice and many times I have questioned his love, but I have been through enough to know that He has been there as my rock in my time of deepest need. He has been there even when I didn't want him. He has blessed my life once more with an amazing man (that is now my adoring husband) when I thought that love had been forever stripped from my life. I know enough to know that I am broken- but I am blessed.

My biggest desire is that my experience with grief and anxiety will somehow encourage you to never give up if you are on the same journey for physical and emotional healing. I never want to be negative in my writing but simply share my thoughts and be completely honest. I will always try to find something positive to share along with the difficulties so that not only can I encourage you, but I can also remind myself of my blessings and triumphs. 

-Meg

 (On our way to our new home in Germany- February 2012)